Sex and/or Money?

The obvious has happened and I don't have time anymore. Seems as though my soon-to-be ex husband is growing exasperated with me and my lagging on the divorce. His attorney tells my lawyer that they aren't going to wait that much longer for me to file.

It is time then.

I think I'm ready for this and have grown stronger in the last month or so. How can one know though how it will actually feel signing those papers in the office, walking out the door, and driving home? The finale, if you will. Completely and utterly detaching yourself from someone you loved and promised yourself to.

Will it be the final heartbreak or will it be a relief? I have no idea...

I know one thing is for sure, I have been angry lately. I mean ANGRY!

Working out is one thing, but working out with a look on your face like you're going to kill someone is another thing entirely.

I'm pissed at men.

I know it's typical in times like these, but that isn't the whole issue here. I had faith in men. When you grow up with horribly emotionally-laden females and no males around, you have hope. My best friends through high school were boys and there wasn't the constant strain of them wanting to analyze every subtle nuance of my being...or theirs! They just wanted to laugh, joke, and have fun. Nothing complicated.

I've always given men the benefit of the doubt throughout my adult life. Believing that they wouldn't lead me astray like the women have. I mean girls wouldn't act like themselves and make a show for the men-folk. I knew their games. Pretty soon you're married to one of those women persons and the guys looking around in a quandary saying, "But, I thought you liked football?" Women aren't truthful. You can't trust them!

Or so I thought...

As I got older, I got to know my kind. See other women outside of my family and outside of each other. I got to respect women, and now I volunteer with teenage girls to help them reach achieve their dreams. 

But men...men...men...

I don't get you now. I can't smile at you because in your weird little mind, you think I'm flirting. Odd.

I'm starting to believe that the only way you are motivated is by money and sex. That's it. No wonder the divorce rates are so high. You are not capable of deep thinking. I'm almost envious. To think that when a woman asks you what you are thinking and you say nothing, your REALLY thinking of nothing. That is amazing. It's like an empty radio station. Nothing.

Ask any woman and there isn't a day that she isn't thinking about the things she has to do at work tomorrow, when to pick up with kids, and what to buy for your mother's birthday next week. And you have free air time. That's awesome! I'm so freaking jealous.

It's simple but, as I can see now, it's dangerous.

You run the world and since you have free air time, it's making me a little nervous. How did you get in charge?

Yes, women are a pain in the ass, but they are still amazing. When I tell the men about the abuse, there is hem/hawing about it, but you tell a woman and you see nothing but steely determination in her eyes. She will have my entire life mapped out for me in 2 seconds. Saying, "You're getting a divorce, aren't you? You can make it. You'll be fine. I'll see who else can come in and get waxed," and that's that.

Here's to my sister's who have been there for a moment or for the whole ride. I love you all and maybe one day, the men-folk running this world will catch up.