Sex and Divorce

Recently, I read this article in the Huffington Post: Life After Divorce:Sex.

There aren't many articles (Well, maybe more than a few), that make my blood boil, but this one stuck with me for a few days.

It should be noted that the author is a professional matchmaker and not any sort of psychologist. She should not be writing anything about relationships. Unlike me, who is an Esthetician.

Anywho, I feel that in this day and age, gender stereotypes are and should be a thing of the past. Saying that we are emotional and men are analytical has no scientific backing behind it. There has been countless studies on the brain and I'm here to tell you, our brains are not so different.

This gender stereotyping is an environmental problem, not a scientific one. I know men that are emotional and women that are analytical. Let's thank the author for holding onto long held archaic beliefs about the different gender's while giving her "advice".

On the subject of casual sex and divorce, the author states,"Men are very analytical and they view sex as exactly what it is: a form of pleasure."

To me, this not only negates the sex act, but women in general. Sex is a form of pleasure and all women are inferior to this knowledge. Thank god we have men to set us straight and be the example of what a healthy sexual relationship is! Never mind, that this statement treats men, yet again, as sexual beasts who can't control themselves and are devoid of having any sort of emotional attachment in regards to sex.

Lastly, I would like to address the psychological effects of post-divorce casual sex. Divorce is painful. Basically, it feels like you are taking someone who you vowed to spend eternity with and ripping them out of your heart. It's a death, but you get to go on and see the person that you shared such intimacies with, move on with someone else. You might even catch a glimpse of them at the market or the movies with their new significant other. It's a death that you deal with every day and you must get used to it. It takes sometimes a couple years to deal with that loss.

Right after a divorce, you grieve. You grieve terribly sometimes and it's understandable to want that pain to go away. Remember my "god cry"? I would have done anything to make that pain go away. Some people start to drink afterwards or take anti-depressants or even illegal drug use, but others, take something else, another person.

Casual sex after divorce is medicating yourself with another human being. Just like you would use any drug, you are using a person to get over your grief. The trick is, this behavior doesn't move you through your grief, it only prolongs it.

See, no one can escape the emotional work/healing they must do after a traumatic event. Casual sex, just like any sort of medicating helps you feel a brief high and then you must come down again and eventually deal with your problems. You could try and be in a perpetual state of highness by constantly looking for the next victim, but than you start down that ole sexual addiction slippery slope.

Using another person to get over your grief is wrong. The other person doesn't know your anger and doesn't deserve to have you put your issues on them when they have done nothing wrong. Being predatory and searching for women who have low self-worth to medicate with, is even more disgusting. You've now become another person who has heaped their issues on a person who can't handle it.

What is your mark on society when you use people for your own gain?

Medicating by utilizing people, is a cowards way of dealing with grief. I know it's hard, but the best thing you can do is face the grief head-on. Get on the floor and do your "god-cry". You may even have to do several or join a gym to get out that anger. There are several more healthy ways to ease the pain without using others.

I promise you that if you do face the pain (I always imagine it as me facing a huge wave coming towards me and I'm looking at it with my arms stretched out) you will feel better. You will get through it and you will not prolong the healing or take the issue into another relationship.

You will be free.