End the Silence

Telling people that you were in an abusive relationship can become tiresome.

It's their own fault really because they always ask, "why are you getting a divorce?" I feel that the only way to answer this question is to be clear, concise, and honest about it, but it seems the general public feels otherwise.

You get that weird blank questioning look from the person asking the question. Their looking at me like I just wrote a complicated math problem a chalkboard and asked them for the answer. A tilt of the head and the strain in the eyes with mouth ajar is your clue that they don't get it.

That answer just doesn't ever seem qualified enough to suit the person asking you and than you have to go further to hone in on issues that are more palatable. I find myself having to run through a myriad of descriptive relationship issues till I find the one that they themselves can relate to like, "He was lazy, didn't work, not intelligent, didn't contribute, and was grouchy," (remember: can't say mean, caustic, or physically/emotionally abusive).

It is daunting that the majority of the questioning look, comes from women. With 1/3 of American women will experience domestic/dating violence in their lifetime. And 1/4 of women worldwide will also experience domestic violence. The statistics are not in our favor.

I've even been told outright by a woman that I shouldn't tell people that my soon-to-be ex was abusive. That it turns people off.

My answer to all these people is that domestic violence against women is a silent killer. With every domestic violence homicide, there are neighbors that say they thought they were a happy couple.

Of all the women murdered in the U.S., about one-third were killed by an intimate partner.

This issue must come out of the dark. We survivors need to walk into the light. Maybe you don't need to march on Washington holding a banner, but we should be able to feel confident about what really happened in our relationships.

The ability to be truthful may just allow another woman to be in her truth.

Be brave. Read these books and educate yourself and others. The only way to stop the violence is to stop the secrets.

Live in the light.