The Example

Okay, I understand it's hard to conjure up compassion at a time when you want to rip someone's throat out or are fantasizing about their demise.

Today, I ran the gamut of emotions. It was almost like I was sitting in a field of daisies..."I despise him...I despise him not. I feel sorry for him...not. He can change...not, not (pluck, pluck)." 

See, what ruined me was my friend Julie and her husband Kevin. Now Kevin was the worst of the worst and just so happens to be a very close childhood friend to my own husband. Kev was so bad that he decided to go to his bachelor party and get tanked the night before his wedding. The bachelor party was hosted by my husband and included, as per Kevin's request, a myriad of seedy strip clubs. The groom-to-be was so blotto that he got into a fight (he's Irish, so he feels drunken brawls are in his DNA) with his cousin. The strip club called the cops, the cops arrested Kev, and once in the back seat of the squad car, he promptly projectile vomited all over the policemen in front. My husband sprang him and got still blotto Kev down the isle in time to get married to poor sweet Julie.

We all think Julie is a saint because Kevin not only did that, but he had his brother and tons of friends living with them. Julie's house was a revolving door of messiness, friends, video games, and drunkenness. It was weird because Julie was (and still is) a psychologist. Besides the obvious fact that she should have known better, she had an amazing job and Kev, well, he was a janitor. An ill-behaved janitor at that.

Every time they would go look for a new place to live, Kevin would test out the bathroom floor by laying on it to see if it was comfortable. He knew 9 times out of 10, that would be the place he would be spending the night during one of his benders.

By year 7, (yes, this went on for 7 years) Julie had enough. She packed her bags and went to her parents house. She was done. Finito. Who could blame her? Kev was awful. We were all in agreement that they should divorce. They were NEVER right for each other. She liked school. He liked booze. She ran marathons. He liked video games. The list was endless.

The first three months Kev was in a drunken stupor. He was like a heartbroken naughty child with a valid I.D. He did everything Julie did not want him to do. Then by month three, it was like a bell went off. All of a sudden, Kevin got into seeing a therapist. He also went to see a psychiatrist to get on anti-depressants and decided to take his brawling spirit to the gym. He got into wrestling and started loving getting his butt off the couch.

Julie was getting calls from him to join him in couples counseling. She would always promptly reject him and hang up. Kevin would find out where she would be running her marathons and stand at the finish line with bunch of wilted daisies. Over and over again the calls would come. Him begging her to see him, come to counseling, and him showing up at the marathons. Each time getting rejected and sent away.

After a year of this, Julie started to bend. They went to couples counseling and are back together years later. Not saying that everything is perfect. I mean Julie was already out of the relationship, so going back in and finding feelings for Kevin was struggle. But, they are expecting their first child at the end of the year.

This story is amazing just in the fact that now I know that no matter how bad someone can be, they will move mountains to change if it's time and they are ready.

It's not that my husband never loved me, it's that he isn't ready to change and that is okay. The only person I can change is myself.

Did I tell you that I'm at 193lbs and that I feel amazing?