Neutrality

Let me put this as clear as possible for all those friends who feel they are being "neutral" by being close to both the abuser and the victim, you are NOT being neutral.

This myth of neutrality only serves the interests of the abuser. In the abusers mind, your middle stance mean's that you see the couple's problems as partly his fault and partly her fault, which means this isn't abuse.

These neutral friends have convinced themselves of their superior maturity by, "being there for both of them," but what they are really doing is colluding with the abusive man, even though that may not be their goal.

Abusers interpret silence as approval. Like I addressed in the "True Friends" blog post, if you are aware of the chronic and severe mistreatment of another human being, the abuser knows that you see nothing wrong with what has taken place. Your silence speaks volumes to the abuser.

Anyone who decides to look the other way unwittingly becomes the abusers ally.

Why does the abuser seek allies? Because after a while, he gets tired of bullying her all by himself. He has to work hard to keep his victim blaming herself and fend off any helping hands that might reach her. Besides, the abuser, in his weird little mind, believes he deserves allies, because he is the true victim.

The abuser will distort stories when hunting for allies. He will never admit to those potential allies of his cruelty and violence. Those facts are distasteful and will repel the very people he wants to draw in.

He may even carry some guilt feelings about his abuse and seeks escapism from those feelings while getting validation from others.

What's worse, is that he may have even convinced himself of his own distortions. Like the dreaded narcissistic abuser who believes his distortions are real.

If you want to be a real friend, why don't you see the issue from the woman's perspective. Or you can come to the reality that you were recruited and are being manipulated.

Because really, you are not his friend and all you're doing is making him feel justified in his actions. Protecting or enabling an abuser is as morally repugnant as the abuse itself. 

Realize that an abusers charm and manipulativeness just plays into your ignorance, misconceptions, and mostly, your own negative attitudes towards women.

Educate yourself. It may not just help the victim, but it may help you as well.